You might dread them or love them, but if you have a kid in a school, you’ve been to a parent conference.
There are usually a lot of them in one day. You wait your turn, you go in, there’s lots of quick talking. And then you have to leave, because time is up.
As you walk out, past the other waiting parents, you wonder: Did that go well? Did we cover the important things?
If you have a vague feeling you didn’t, you’re not alone.
As a school administrator, teacher, and parent, I've sat through at least a thousand parent conferences. And most of the time, parents could have gotten more of what they needed by saying less.
How to Get What You Came For At Your Next Parent Conference
The first reason to say less: time is extremely limited. (I know, you saw this one coming).
Those meetings are short because we can all do basic math. If every parent got an hour, how would that work? Close school for a week? Ask teachers to work at night? (if you thought the teacher shortage was bad now…)
In a short conference, you might just exchange some quick information. That's not why you went.
How can you guide the ship, support your kid? How can you get candid input from the people that spend the most time with them?
The answer is simple: stop talking.
The School Already Knows You Are a Good Parent
The second reason to say less:
Most people overshare in parent conferences. They talk about their hectic work life, their messy divorce, their child’s out of school programming, and endlessly about their parenting.
“I only allow an hour of tv after all chores are done, and yes, he does chores in my house!”
“I’m keeping an eye on his game time, you know he doesn’t sit on that all day."
If teachers need to know about home, they will ask. They know parenting is a hard job, and they really do assume the best of you.
At the conference, there's usually some data or announcement they need to share with you. And you want to know those things.
Decide that this is a work meeting and the agenda is your child. Spend no more than a minute or two on the pleasantries, and then directly ask: How are things going?
Then listen.
Ask a Good Question And Wait
The third most important reason to say less:
To feel good when you're walking out, you DO want to know: are things on track, or do you need to meet again?
So, get past the hellos, the grade information, and the class picnic details. Don’t get stuck discussing why the spelling test grade was a 90 instead of a 100.
Invite your teacher to be direct and honest by asking an open question, such as:
How does my child handle challenging tasks or subjects?
Can you share a time when you had to intervene or provide my child extra help?
Based on what you see, what should we be working on at home to support things at school?
It can be hard in a short conference for a teacher to build trust and get comfortable enough to say something hard. But if something is off, you want them to say it.
If you have a high achiever that suddenly crashed in fifth grade … I’m betting the fourth grade teacher saw some clues. Listen closely for them, and make space for the teacher to share them.
If there is a concern, make a plan to address it. If there isn’t time, you’ll need another meeting.
If any plan is made, you want to have a clear understanding of:
what will be tried,
what data will be collected and how,
who will send info on progress,
when to expect an update.
By saying less, sticking to your goals, and asking inviting questions, you can get the most from your next parent teacher conference.
You’ll leave feeling informed and positive, which is the whole point.
Need a planning checklist for your next parent conference? Try this free download:
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