It was school pickup and the adults were chatting while they waited. Young siblings played nearby and newborns were dozing in strollers.
One of my kids had just started first grade at this new school.
“How’s it going for you guys?” someone asked. Folks were sharing their pain.
Lots of kids were having a rough transition to full day school, my kid included.
“My child is just bored…they already know the stuff they're teaching,” I confided.
[Juanmonino via Getty Images, Canva Pro]
I thought my child was just bored. I didn't know then that he was actually really struggling.
I had no idea back then that being gifted could set kids up to have different problems. I also hadn't learned to really hear the things that teachers were gently trying to say.
And after decades of parenting and teaching gifted kids, I say this with confidence: They all struggle at some point.
If I had known then what I know now...
Parenting a Gifted Child Means Some Struggles Are Different
You’re expecting me to say be humble or don’t brag. Let your child fail at some things and learn on their own. And those things are true. But they’re not my best advice.
Let’s fast forward to today: You are the frustrated parent of a very bright child. I'm an experienced gifted teacher.
And I can share some things that might help.
Expect This: Every Bright Kid Will Struggle (It's Just a Matter of When)
The unique abilities bright kids have gives them some advantages. Those advantages create other problems.
They teach themselves. Learning rapidly and independently often means learning gaps. This sets them up for frustration later.
They breeze through PK-2. Then they hit their first obstacle, usually in third or fourth grade. You wonder what the heck happened. You might blame the new teacher or the curriculum:
“This teacher is always on his case! She doesn't get how bright he is!”
“These third grade assignments! He’s just so bored with that online math.”
They're missing critical executive function skills that other kids already developed.
Wait, what? How do they miss learning some executive function skills, you say? Let me explain:
First, acquiring executive function is a long, ongoing process. So it's never too late.
Second, when teachers are specifically teaching essential school skills, bright kids can get by on their own. Check out these examples:
I bet you can see your child in a few of those.
By upper elementary, many students have already tackled some difficulties and learned some things that help. Many bright kids are just tackling their first challenge. And they don't know how.
It's hard for parents to consider that their gifted child is now a little behind. But students show the most improvement when teachers and parents work together to fill in the gaps.
Some of my work with parents is helping identify the root cause of the gifted child's struggle. Part of that process is gathering all the information.
Go To a Conference and Keep An Open Mind
It's common for parents to get a failed test for their bright child and push back. Things I've heard:
"He wasn't given the words on time." "We didn't know the test was coming." "We were absent." "Still not getting the team newsletter!"
Sure, these things can happen - once in a while. But if it becomes your weekly jam, it's time to act.
DON'T be the parent that ignores the subtle clues that your child is starting to need more support. Remember, it WILL happen. It's not an IF, it's a WHEN.
When you're concerned, schedule a parent conference and try to set any defensiveness aside.
The conference will start by exchanging greetings and talking about what is going well.
Then, a gentle suggestion for improvement will be made. And it usually isn't strongly worded. Listen for this to happen.
It might sound like:
"Jackson is eager to learn, and would benefit from taking more time with his assignments."
"Sophia is a good friend, and we're working on encouraging her to focus on her own work."
Each of these statements is raising a concern in a very polite way. You don't want to miss what they are trying to tell you.
Dig deeper when you hear this. Try asking:
What does it look like when Jackson needs to take more time?
How can Sophia focus better - is she off task, or talking a lot?
What can I do to support you at home?
Keep a Supportive Watch
All schools have a system for collecting information about how kids are doing. They might call it different things, but everyone measures what a child already knows and how they are making progress.
When you schedule a meeting with the school, you should go over this data. Be sure you ask them to:
share the data with you
help you understand it
give you copies take home
Often, bright and gifted children aren't performing low enough to need interventions from school staff, but that doesn't mean they don't need some help. Getting as much information as you can and working with the teacher is the best way to start.
For the best outcomes, you should:
Expect that your child will need support at some point.
Stay alert for when things become difficult.
Ask careful questions and look at the data.
By understanding the challenges of these very unique kids and staying open to the idea that they're going to struggle somewhere, sometime, you'll be ready.
The support ideas often seem simple. Try them anyway. Supporting your child through school is a long journey. And adding some tools to your toolbox will come in handy for sure!
If you're feeling concerned or have a nagging worry that things aren't quite right with your child, that's what I'm here for - to listen and ask questions that help you problem solve.
Let's connect - book a conversation with me below:
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